i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
