So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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