going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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