she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
