When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
