But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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