this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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