oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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