my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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