is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
