I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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