How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
