i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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