Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
