I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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