Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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