I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
