she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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