My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
