When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
