Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
