I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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