fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
