life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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