Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
