So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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