sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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