All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
