i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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