soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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