i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
