Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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