Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We are all done wearing pants today
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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