Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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