were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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