My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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