okay pat passed out under dana's car
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
