Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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