Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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