Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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