sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
