My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
