Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
