You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
