I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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