I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
