so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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