Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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