Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
