threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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