You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
