His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
