we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
