No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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