Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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