I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
