I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Shame is for Republicans.
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