We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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