I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
