Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
