If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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