he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
