I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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