Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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