Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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